Holding Space For Our Feelings and the Feelings of Others:

Sometimes we feel uncomfortable when people express their feelings. As a result, we use minimizing statements like, “Everything will be ok,” “It’s not that bad,” “Everything happens for a reason.” We say these things in an effort to get people to feel better, but in the process of doing that, we facilitate them feeling worse. We create a situation where they don’t feel supported in these vulnerable moments.

So, how do we make space for people to talk about things?

Listen and don’t try to solve the issue. Most people just want to be heard.
If it seems like the person does need some help with problem solving, ask questions like “What are you thinking about doing?” “What do you think is the best way forward?” Help the person talk their way through whatever is bothering them.
Recognize that it’s not your job to relieve people of their discomfort. This can take a lot of the pressure off when someone is sharing their feelings with you. When you believe it is your job to make the person feel better, it can be overwhelming.
Guide people to other resources. If you feel like you are not able to be the support the person needs, let them know, and suggest they seek a higher level of care.

As people who may need to vent, or who might need a listening ear, we must also take some responsibility and understand that people may not always have the capacity to hold space for our feelings. When we are going through things, we need to keep in mind:

What do the people in your life have on their plate? What are they going through? Do they have the bandwidth to take on your feelings? It’s possible that given their current circumstances, they are unable to process what you have to share, or lend a sympathetic ear.
Who are you venting to? We know who the people in our lives are and who they are not. Most people share information based on the person’s relationship to them, for example, because the person is their mom, dad, sister, brother, partner, or best friend. However, this does not take into consideration how the person will respond. Some people are not emotionally available during tough moments.

Journal Prompts

What makes you feel heard when you’re sharing your feelings to people?
What conversations are difficult for you to hold space for?

Read

5 Tools to Cope With Anxiety When Therapy Isn’t An Option, by Brooke LaMantia on The Cut.

Watch and Listen

The Shrink Next Door. This is both a podcast and a TV show, and it is wild. Please don’t hold what you see against the entire profession of therapists. Most of us are not like this, and please do not let it deter you from therapy. This show is an entertaining, cautionary tale. No matter who a person is to us, we don’t always need to take their advice. Even if it's our therapist. We must ultimately decide what we think is best for us. You can listen to the show wherever you stream podcasts and watch it on Apple TV+.

I hope you’re enjoying the Nedra Nuggets newsletter! Please share in the comments how this article resonated with you.

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Holding Space For Our Feelings and the Feelings of Others:

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