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How You Know It’s Time to Take a Break:

Understanding your capacity to engage with others

Nedra Tawwab

Dec 15, 2021
13

Sometimes it is healthy for us to take breaks from relationships, to pause. Stepping away is not the same as shutting down. Detaching is not the same as leaving. This need for separation happens a lot in friendships and family relationships. It can be harder in romantic situations, but there are times when we need to take a step back from a relationship.

This break can act as a reset. It can allow us to figure out where we are and allow us to come back to the person with clearer expectations. We can also take that time to decide how we want to show up in the relationship.

We may realize that the distance is healthy, and that perhaps this person is not someone we need to engage with on a regular basis. Every relationship is not an everyday relationship, and some relationships are annual, monthly, or biweekly, just like a subscription. We are allowed to decide what we want and what works best for us, even if the other person is demanding more.

Sometimes the break leads to the recognition that there is something beyond repair, but other times, it’s just a break. It’s taking a breath. We get to decide what that distance means. The goal of the break is to take the time you need to be able to approach the relationship in a way that is more intentional with a fresh mindset, and new strategies for engaging with that person.

Some of the reasons you may find yourself needing to take a break are as follows:

  • You notice that your energy is impacted by the interaction with the person.

  • You notice that you become easily frustrated, or short tempered while or after being around them.

  • You feel that your boundaries aren’t honored.

  • You don’t feel comfortable being yourself around this person.

  • You’re in a different season of your life. As our priorities and interests shift, our people may shift as well. If you are really into plants, you may want to be around a bunch of plant people. Likewise, if all your friends are going through a divorce and you’re trying to figure out how to make your marriage work, you may not want to be in that space. It’s ok to center your needs and take a pause.

Once we have decided to take a break, should we tell the person? Well, it depends on your intention. In our attempts to manage situations we can damage them. If you tell someone “I need to take a break from you,” how do you think they will receive it? Will it be helpful, or might they rather you just take the space you need?

Keep in mind that you are taking the break for you. It’s not about the other person. The issue that is causing you to want to take a break from them may not be a problem for others. It’s something you have to work through, and pausing allows you that time and space.

Read

  • Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close, by Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman. Available on Amazon and Bookshop.

  • These Precious Days: Essays, by Ann Patchett. Available on Amazon and Bookshop.

Watch

  • In True Story, starring Kevin Hart and Wesley Snipes, there is a dynamic where a character has to leave a relationship that is very unhealthy. The series explores the need to shift your relationships as you shift where you are in life. Watch True Story on Netflix.

Journal Prompts

  • What friendships have you stepped away from and come back to? How were you able to restore the relationship? How did the relationship evolve?

  • What relationships do you feel you may need space from and or need to revisit again in the future? How could you reimagine those relationships going forward?

I hope you’re enjoying the Nedra Nuggets newsletter! Please share in the comments how this article resonated with you.

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Comments
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13 Comments

  • Shamina Williams
    So powerful and so timely. Some people don't understand your need for you creating space and they make it about them, instead honoring what you need. Thanks so much for this. I recently had to reassess a new friendship I was entering as this person exp…
    See more
    1
    •  · 6w
    • Author
      Nedra Tawwab
      It's about preserving you, not them. The need to restore yourself has to be the priority. You decide how you want to be present in your friendships.
      1
      •  · 5w
  • Dee Gyorody
    This describes me to a tee . I have a man in my life that I love dearly ,but he can be very draining ( extremly codependant ) so I have taken breaks with him . I realize I can be codependent as well , but I am working on myself . Thank you for all your posts .
    •  · 5w
    • Author
      Nedra Tawwab
      You are welcome! We can only give so much of ourselves before we start lose ourselves.
      1
      •  · 5w
  • Liza Love
    This was right on time for me. I was just talking to someone last night about needing to the break and space from a particular relationship. Sometimes it hurts to do what’s best and necessary for your health. This post helped me to cope and understand …
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    •  · 6w
    • Author
      Nedra Tawwab
      Glad to hear. When a relationship is beginning to take too much of a toll choosing not to take a break from it will only keep away the peace that you may be missing. It's up to you to decide when enough is enough.
      1
      •  · 5w
  • Trish Joan Ings
    I know this feeling of needing to take a break. I'm an introvert and often, especially when work is hectic, just feel the need to take a break from personal relationships that are too draining on my energy during a busy time.
    •  · 5w
    • Author
      Nedra Tawwab
      Trust your self! You'll know when it's time.
      •  · 5w
  • Deborah Davis
    And sometimes you have been silenced for so long you no longer have your voice.
    2
    •  · 6w
    • Author
      Nedra Tawwab
      The voice is still there. You just have to use it. It's not always easy but it's worth it.
      1
      •  · 5w
  • Clara Okorafor
    I really enjoy your write ups and they have really blessed me . I look forward to buying and reading more of your books. God bless you for using your gift to impact lives positively.
    •  · 4w
  • Tricia Tomaszewski
    "Every relationship is not an everyday relationship." This is a necessary reminder, thank you.
    1
    •  · 5w
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