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It’s Your Life and You Can Cry If You Want To

Learning to recognize that tears are information

Nedra Tawwab

5 Apr
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I love Mary J. Blige. Remember her song, Not Gon’ Cry? She sings:

I’m not gon’ cry

I’m not gon’ cry

I’m not gon’ shed no tears

No, I’m not gon’ cry

It’s not the time

Cause you’re not worth my tears

What she’s actually communicating in this song is that she is incredibly sad. She is disappointed that her relationship didn’t work out. She’s thinking about all of the years she put into it and now it feels like it was for nothing. That doesn’t match up at all with her insisting she’s not going to cry, but it’s something many of us do. We trick ourselves into thinking we have to pretend we don’t care, or that we are unaffected by things that happen to us, but it’s ok to be affected. It’s ok to cry.

I read an article that said American women cry about four times a month and men cry two times each month. We only equate crying with sadness but there are many kinds of tears. We cry because we’re sad, happy, overjoyed, angry, uncomfortable. We cry because we have something in our eye. We cry because we are in such pain that crying is the only way we can express ourselves.

One day I was feeding my friend’s baby and I started crying. I made my kids’ baby food when they were little and she makes her baby food as well. It made me remember when my kids were smaller. I missed that moment in time, and the sweetness of that interaction made me cry. There are a plethora of reasons for our tears. Whenever any of these things happen, I think we should allow the tears to flow.

When we don’t cry we end up emotionally constipated. We push our feelings down and end up engaging in behaviors that are unhealthy as a way to not feel anything. When we eventually release our tears, it’s terrible. It’s all over the place and we can barely pinpoint the reason why we’re crying because by that point there are so many. I’ve done that before. I’ll tell myself I’m not going to cry and then I’m crying about dropping a light bulb and something that happened in the fifth grade.

Many of us have crying cycles. For myself I notice there are about four days each month where things that do not usually bother me, will set me off. If we take the time to really pay attention to ourselves, maybe we will also notice certain times of the month, or people, or situations that trigger strong emotional responses. It’s good to be aware that these are things that may put us in a crying spirit, and to be ok with that. Crying isn’t something we need to stop.

I have seen people who are very depressed, or anxious and they come in and say they have been crying every day for thirty days. At first glance that may seem like a bad thing, but crying is communication. Even in these situations crying can be helpful because it can lead us to talk about our problems, and get help.

What a gift it is to be able to form tears and have emotional reactions to things. Our tears make us aware that something going on inside of us needs to be talked about and processed. Our tears draw our attention so that we can get to the root of what caused them.

Journal Prompts

  • When was the last time you had a good cry? What prompted it?

  • How do you feel while you’re crying? How do you feel after you cry?

Read

  • Homecoming: Overcome Fear and Trauma to Claim Your Whole, Authentic Self, by Dr. Thema Bryant. You can find this book on Amazon and Bookshop.

Watch

  • The Last Kingdom. This show is in its fifth season. I recently watched a bunch of episodes on my flights to and from Santa Fe, and I’m almost finished. The show is a historical fiction series dramatizing the relationship between the Vikings and Anglo Saxons in the late nineteenth century. You can watch it on Netflix.

I hope you’re enjoying the Nedra Nuggets newsletter! Please share in the comments how this article resonated with you.

Disclaimer: I receive commissions for purchases made through links for Amazon and Bookshop.

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Comments
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19 comments

  • Cherie Sonja
    I read this newsletter about crying AS I WAS CRYING! How fitting! But yes every word of this rang true for me in this moment and in others I can reflect back on when crying and releasing emotional energy that gets in the way. ”emotionally constipated” …
    See more
    • 7 w
    • Author
      Nedra Tawwab
      Being YOU is enough! You are more than welcome!
      • 7 w
  • KevinandShannon Hayes
    Nedra Nuggets are inspires and empowers me. I often have to remind myself to sit with it, soak it in and let it resonate with me. I'm so use to caring for others, that even when I read something that pierces my spirit.... I'm thinking of someone to sha…
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    • 7 w
    • Author
      Nedra Tawwab
      Tears are truly a gift! They are part of our emotional thermometer! Thank you for sharing!
      • 7 w
  • Anna Borová
    I love the Nedra nuggets. They usually resonate with something I’m going through at the moment and they make me feel better again.
    Only yesterday I was such a happy little goofball, and today started off wrong in every way possible (at least to me it s…
    See more
    • 7 w
    • Author
      Nedra Tawwab
      You are welcome! I am happy you felt comfortable sharing this as well. We should not keep our emotions bottled up inside.
      • 7 w
  • Jodi Wagenstroom
    This is all the way from South Africa ... I love the Nedra Nuggets! Thanx for sharing with us, they are so relatable. They are lovely and bite-sized, and they give me a sweet nudge in the right direction when needed and sometimes they feel like a pat o…
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    • 7 w
    • Author
      Nedra Tawwab
      You are so welcome! Happy to a be a source of encouragement or just a reminder!
      • 7 w
  • Marsha Pierre
    I really look forward to Nedra nuggets. It always leaves me more enlightened and with broader perspective. Please don’t ever stop. Your voice and light is needed!
    • 7 w
    • Author
      Nedra Tawwab
      Thank you for the encouragment! Much appreciated!
      • 7 w
  • Whetstone Andree Carole
    I needed this because I do cry alot . It really helps me with everyday battles with emotions .And we know God gave us tears for his Glory .
    • 7 w
  • Altinay Luna
    I wonder what people do when they feel the need to cry but don't have the energy to. I've felt like a good cry would help relieve some anxiety and tension in my body but I can't seem to let go.
    • 7 w
  • Bernadette Hill Berens
    This is such great and needed information. Thank you! I forwarded it to a friend who is grieving the sudden and traumatic death of her husband just a year ago. This will help her, and me!
    • 7 w
  • Amélie Janin
    Menstrual Cycle Awareness tells us that there are times during our cycle where we are more sensitive, and that's normal! I'd encourage every women (and men!) to look up MCA, as i think it gives us, women, permission to cry 🙂
    • 7 w
  • Roberta Lawrinsky
    Dear Nedra--Crying brings me closer to my feelings. --As for Vikings and Anglo-Saxons, didn't they run into each other in the 9th century, not the 19th as you write?? Vikings cry after fiercely killing enemies.
    • 7 w
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