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None of Us Make it Out Here Alone:

The Myth of Being Self-Made

Nedra Tawwab

15 Feb
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There is this book I love called Self Nurture. The book was written in the 70s or 80s, and it’s all about self-care. They may have been calling it something else back then, but it’s the same concept. We think we invented self-care in the last decade, but that’s just not true. We have this need to be the first ones to do something, to invent something, to create something. We want our thoughts to be original, but that’s not the way humanity works. We are all influenced by somebody.

I wrote about being inspired by Oprah a couple of years ago, and now when I listen to her podcast, I am blown away by just how much Oprah’s words and the conversations she had with people affected me. They poured so much into me.

I have no problem saying thank you Maya Angelou, thank you bell hooks, thank you Oprah Winfrey, thank you Iyanla Vanzant. I am here because of how I was inspired by them. That inspiration created me. This does not take anything away from what I have done, but I recognize that I am able to do what I do because I was able to witness those that came before me. Giving credit to others doesn’t take away from our genius.

We all feel this sense of accomplishment when we do something by ourselves. I have two small children and when they tie their shoes, they shout at everyone within earshot to take a look. They are excited because they did it without any help. It is natural to feel that way, but we have to discern when it is time to truly do something on our own, and when we need support. We also have to know when it is time to give people who came before us credit for inspiring us.

It is important to take notice when your ego is running the show. There is a difference between being proud and having pride. I think sometimes when we are fixated on doing things all by ourselves, and determined not to ask for help, we are stepping into pride, and not doing it to make ourselves proud.

Here are a few ways to keep ourselves from falling into the trap of trying to doing everything alone:

  • Determine whether you are doing something by yourself because you want the glory of being able to say you did it, or if you’re using yourself as a resource because you don’t have anyone else to turn to, or if you’re doing it because you’re good at it and you enjoy it.

  • Ask for help. Allow yourself to be supported and give others the chance to support you.

  • Express gratitude. Acknowledge how the efforts and achievements of others contribute to what you accomplish.

Listen

  • Is It Cheating? Or Is It An Open Relationship, on the Lovers and Friends with Shan Boodram podcast. This episode dives into how many of us are monogamous-ish. It was really interesting. You can listen to this episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you stream podcasts.

Watch

  • Yellow Jackets. This is a really good show about a soccer team from the 80s whose plane went missing for 19 months. It’s very suspenseful and I am excited to see where it’s going. You can watch this show on Showtime.

  • Dexter: New Blood. I absolutely love Dexter. The show was gone for a while and they have done such a wonderful job reviving the character. You can watch this season and all previous seasons of Dexter on Showtime.

Journal Prompts

  • Who are you inspired by?

  • What have you done by yourself when you really could have used some help? Why didn’t you ask for support?

I hope you’re enjoying the Nedra Nuggets newsletter! Please share in the comments how this article resonated with you.

Disclaimer: I receive commissions for purchases made through links for Amazon and Bookshop.

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Comments
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14 comments

  • Rachel Lindsay Abasolo
    Writes Honestly, Rach
    Thank you so much for this! I've never really considered the journal prompt "What have you done by yourself when you really could have used some help? Why didn’t you ask for support?" I plan to take this question with me this week and see if there are …
    See more
    • 13 w
  • Cyndic Coleman
    To me the title self made it is a very selfish and narcissistic expression. No one is self anything- From ground zero ---some one changed your diapers, educated and guided you and influenced you before you were able to self guide. Who has not had …
    See more
    • 14 w
    • Edited
    • Author
      Nedra Tawwab
      Love the gratitude! You are welcome! I enjoyed reading it!!
      • 14 w
    View 1 more reply
  • Monique Boldon
    I love your newsletters. They are always insightful. I also love your recommendations for reading or watching something on tv.
    • 13 w
    1 reply
  • Zee Zee
    Thank you so much for awakening a new thought process for me. i wake up and read your newsletter every morning and assures me that my day will be full of joy and promise. I love your book by the way!!!!!💛💛💛💛
    • 14 w
    • Author
      Nedra Tawwab
      Thank you! Happy to be a part of your daily routine! Protect that joy!!
      • 14 w
  • Cynthia Saintsfan
    Thought provoking! Thank you!
    • 14 w
    • Author
      Nedra Tawwab
      You are welcome!
      • 14 w
  • Liza Love
    I am inspired by you Nedra and Oprah of course. I am inspired by you and anyone that is in the business of truly helping others see and connect to our power. You have helped me see my power and that I am not stuck. You helped me see boundaries in a wh…
    See more
    • 14 w
  • Gunther Von Hoffman
    As Elizabeth Warren pointed out, these CEOs who thought that they did everything by themselves in their work did not do so by themselves.
    • 12 w
  • Sharese Wilson
    This newsletter is so awesome. I definitely look forward to it. And you should know that you also inspire me I too am inspired by so many people and I believe in giving them their towers now so I unabashedly share love. I too am launching my newslette…
    See more
    • 14 w
  • Mini Manuel
    I liked how you let us see the difference between stepping into pride vs making ourselves proud. This is a great read
    • 14 w
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