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The Importance of Expressing Ourselves

It’s not healthy or sustainable to pretend that we don’t care

Nedra Tawwab

Jun 14
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One time I was watching the news and a man was tasered. A reporter interviewed him after this happened and asked him how he felt. He said, “It didn’t affect me.” This man had fallen to the ground, clearly impacted, but he insisted he didn’t feel anything.

I remember attending a funeral, and overhearing someone talking to a person who was in the throes of their grief. This person told them, “You’ve just got to be strong. Stop crying.” If it’s not acceptable to cry at a funeral, then where is it ok to cry? What is it about our society that makes us feel as though we can’t admit to being affected by things that would move most people?

There is something about our culture that looks down on showing emotion. We’re just not huge fans of allowing people to feel things out in the open. Living in this kind of society teaches the people in it to deny what they’re actually feeling. We’re constantly pretending.

In some instances, like when you’re at work, you may not want to burst into tears, or if you’re around people you don’t know that well you may not feel comfortable being vulnerable. But that doesn’t mean to shove those feelings down and never feel them. It’s ok to put things off for a moment, as long as that moment doesn’t become forever.

There can be some value in compartmentalizing. It is ok to tell yourself, “I can’t feel this at the moment, but at some point today, I’m going to allow myself the time and space to really feel the impact of this.” Just to be clear, compartmentalizing doesn’t mean that you don’t revisit those emotions. It means that you pause for a moment, do what you need to do, and then come back to them later.

This doesn’t just apply to sad or challenging emotions either. Sometimes before I’m about to do something really big, something that I’ve been dreaming of and working toward, I journal about it. I ask myself how I’m feeling and give myself the space to process. I pre-feel my feelings. Then, in the moment I can be fully present and not overwhelmed by my feelings because I’ve already acknowledged how amazing the experience is.

It can be really harmful to exist in a space where you insist that you don’t care about the things that are happening to you. Sometimes we just need to cry. We need to be angry. We need to allow ourselves to really process the jealousy we’re feeling. When we don’t, those feelings will find other ways to make themselves known. We may be passive aggressive, or respond in a way that is over the top for the given situation because our emotions have been building for a while.

We have to give ourselves room to feel, which can be uncomfortable. We may not want others to see us in various emotional states. One time I looked in the mirror as I was crying and it stopped me from crying because it looked so bad. Your face is all puffy, your nose is running. I get it. It may not be how you want to be seen, but it is what you need to do.

Journal Prompts

  • How do you make time to feel your feelings? Do you sit with yourself? Do you journal?

  • When was the last time you pretended to not care about something when you really did? What made you feel as though you had to pretend?

Read

  • The Two Choices That Keep a Midlife Crisis at Bay, by Arthur C. Brooks, in The Atlantic.

Watch

  • The Today Show. I was recently on Today with Hoda & Jenna talking with Charlamagne, Jay Barnett and Dr. Alfiee about mental health.

Listen

  • This Morning Walk podcast with Alex Elle and Libby DeLana. On this show Alex and Libby share the insights they are learning from their daily walking practices. You can listen to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you stream podcasts.

When you’re in a situation where you really can’t express your feelings, whether you’re at work, or in the middle of a crisis, or some other scenario, how do you get through those moments? What helps you? Tell me about it in the comments below.

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8 Comments

  • Top fan
    Derek Everette
    I need to take a moment to process how I feel in the moment. A lot of times that's hard because the moment is happening and happening fast. It's not until afterwards that I really feel the weight of what happened and develop thoughts around it. By t…
    See more
    4
    • 1w
  • Pam Limbacher
    Thank you for this. I recently expressed myself about a work situation. It seemed like I was being prevented from doing my job. I spoke up to my boss about it. And she was supportive. I have been going back & forth between feeling guilty & embarrassed …
    See more
    2
    • 1w
  • Sheril Raymond
    I have a difficult time expressing my emotions. I am passive aggressive, I internalize my emotions, and am realizing that it is never too late to change and work on myself. I just recieved your book and workbook today and will be learning to set boun…
    See more
    • 1w
    • Author
      Nedra Tawwab
      I wish you well on your journey! You are absolutely correct....it is never too late! We may have been sitting with certain issues for years or even decades but there is no time like the present to recognize the need to change and begin take the steps to do better.
      • 1w
  • Brenda St. Germain
    My best friend died unexpectedly when I was 16 and she was still 15. I remember sitting at our kitchen table, crying. My mom told me sternly to pull myself together, and not to do that in front of her family. I kind of floated frozenly through the rest…
    See more
    • 1w
    • Author
      Nedra Tawwab
      The feelings that comes with the loss of a loved one is one of the most painful experiences that we encounter. We have to allow ourselves and others the space to process those feelings openly.
      • 1w
  • Ericabrownsugar Ford
    Because of the way I grew up, alot of the times I hide my emotions, and, ​feelings in front of ​other individuals. As a kid, and, teenager I was not allowed to show any signs of weakness, especially since I am a Black Female, therefore I would breakdow…
    See more
    2
    • 1w
  • Ashley Galloway Thomas
    Thank you for this post, it hits home. Reading the definition of compartmentalizing gave me pause. I have always thought I was good at compartmentalizing (and maybe I was at times), but I think what I was doing was just wrapping up emotions my in a box…
    See more
    • 1w
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