Nedra Nuggets
Subscribe
Cover photo

We Need to Stop Playing the Comparison Game:

Allowing space for things to exist in community instead of competition

Nedra Tawwab

Feb 1
2
10

Multiple restaurants have good chicken sandwiches. I don’t think I need to pick which one is number one. Maybe that’s me being indecisive, but I don’t want to choose. I certainly have a top five, and I would gladly go to any of them. They’re all pretty good. But, why do I even feel like I have to choose one?

Where do we learn this comparative analysis of all the things? One partner versus another. This female rapper versus that one. Sweet potato pie versus pumpkin pie. Is it possible for us to like, enjoy, and appreciate things without comparing it to something else? How do we just let things be what they are? It’s important that we find a way to just like something without finding something else to compare it to.

A way that we can monitor our tendency toward comparison is to pay attention to our language. Lots of times we compare things and we don’t even realize we’re doing it because words like best, better, and top are so ingrained in our way of thinking and speaking.

I was once interviewing someone for an internship position at my practice and they asked me “What makes your practice better than other practices?” I responded by saying, “That is a really interesting question for someone who is looking for an internship. I think that is a question that you will have to answer.” I am not out here trying to be better than other practices. I’m not comparing my practice to everyone else’s. That's not important to me.

When we use comparative language, we are also forgetting that we are all different and have different preferences. I was just complaining to a friend about Memphis and had to catch myself. I don’t like barbecue, never have, and when I think about Memphis, all I can think about is the barbecue. It’s probably a great city, but Memphis isn’t for me. That doesn’t mean Memphis isn’t for anybody. Memphis may not be the best travel destination for me, but it may be for someone else.

We have to make room for things to be different and still be good.

Journal Prompts

  • How would the way you speak about things change if you removed the words, best and top from your vocabulary?

  • Do you find comparisons useful? In what ways?

Read

  • The 4 Main Ways People Lie to Themselves, According to Research, by Sarah Regan on Mind Body Green.

  • Listen to Your Own Advice, by Arthur C. Brooks in The Atlantic.

Watch

  • Dopesick. This show is so good. It is a fictional take on the opioid epidemic. It shows the impact on patients who took the drug, doctors who prescribed it, people who were buying it on the street, pharmaceutical reps who were selling it and the law enforcement officials who did their best to hold the pharmaceutical company responsible for the harm caused. You can watch the show on Hulu.

Listen

  • Lovers and Friends, Hi, Meet My Mental Illness. In this chat with Shan Boodram, we talk about how to support a partner dealing with anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues.

I hope you’re enjoying the Nedra Nuggets newsletter! Please share in the comments how this article resonated with you.

Disclaimer: I receive commissions for purchases made through links for Amazon and Bookshop.

Subscribe for free to Nedra Nuggets
By subscribing, you agree to share your email address with Nedra Tawwab to receive their original content, including promotions. Unsubscribe at any time. Meta will also use your information subject to the Bulletin Terms and Policies
2
10
More from Nedra Nuggets
See all

How to Keep Yourself From Being Passive-Aggressive

Proactive steps to prevent yourself from falling into passive-aggression
Jun 7
18
6

Letting People Be Who They Are

Embracing the relationships we have, not the relationships we think we should have
May 31
18
22

Faux Positivity Will Get You Nowhere

Why we need to give ourselves space to feel what we feel, even when it’s not positive
May 3
15
10
Comments
Log in with Facebook to comment

10 Comments

  • Pamela Humphreys Lathan
    Great nugget! However how do you move another person through always doing comparisons in an argument
    • 20w
    • Author
      Nedra Tawwab
      Stating that you understand that their opinion speaks to their preferences and that your opinion speaks to your own preferences could be impactful if their is mutual respect. What you can control is how often you engage with this person or deciding if…
      See more
      • 20w
  • ShaRonda L Foster
    This is a good one, Nedra! I definitely think it is ok to have a preference BUT we do have to be careful of the words we use. Because we can find ourselves diminishing someone else’s preference because we think our preferences are BETTER or BEST. its …
    See more
    • 20w
  • Nurshafira Noh
    This is so true. Thank you so much. I feel comparison game is very strong in dating world. I was once rejected because the guy said i was too outstanding for him, when compared to other girls in the office (we were former officemates). But somehow I th…
    See more
    • 20w
    • Author
      Nedra Tawwab
      Because something is what we prefer it is just that....our preference. It doesn't need the stamp of "the best" to be what we prefer.
      • 20w
    View 1 more reply
  • Gunther Von Hoffman
    It would be nice if employers would stop doing comparisons when interviewing potential employees such as "how can you help the company", or "what makes you different from all the other candidates."
    • 20w
    • Author
      Nedra Tawwab
      So true! What makes us valuable or unique isn't tied to a ranking system. We all bring value to the table.
      • 20w
  • Charlie Lyons
    Well said, Nedra. This is the best article I’ve read today. 😉
    Kidding aside, this is a trap that’s really easy for me to fall into. You’ve clearly articulated a next step for me—I’m grateful!
    • 20w
  • Chrysa Anastasaki
    This reasonated with me so much cause it put into words what I ve been feeling most of my mature life. It is applicable to so many dimensions in big and small terms. I discovered this truth through travelling and living as an expat in other places than…
    See more
    • 20w
Share quoteSelect how you’d like to share below
Share on Facebook
Share to Twitter
Send in Whatsapp
Share on Linkedin
Privacy  ·  Terms  ·  Cookies
© Meta 2022
Discover fresh voices. Tune into new conversations. Browse all publications